jayroop

hej folks, are you drinkers? or have you learned the hard way that you can’t hold you’re liquor, beer, or cider, even on a full stomach? did you get hungry just before going out, making you realize that it wasn’t a good night to get proverbially wasted? if your answer was yes, then keep on reading for a (cynical) account of what might’ve happened to you.

so, you thought it was a good idea to get a caffé mocha instead of a cider tonight. and maybe you also thought to yourself, “hej, why not make it a large one while we’re at it!”

well kid, to be quite frank, that was a bad idea. because now you’re finding yourself unable to sleep and it’s 612 in the morning and you’ve been awake for the past hour.

you’ve tried breathing exercises, letting the thoughts pass through your mind without grabbing onto them, ignoring the slight pain in your stomach from all the caffeine, and all to no avail. heck, you even tried playing GTA on your iPhone before you went to sleep to see if you could completely exhaust yourself in a futile attempt at avoiding this very situation.

what do you now? why write a blog post of course! here’s what it should look like:

1. make sure it starts off with an attempt at being witty
2. write in the third person about someone who is obviously yourself
3. don’t make it a post, make it a rant
4. tell’em what you’ve been doing since you’ve been awake
5. make a list of the things you wrote about
6. stop before you embarrass yourself any further in front of your readership of > 5
7. next time remember to drink decaf tea instead